Newsletter: October 2024

Ponderings. Every month we have a section where we ponder on something. Pondering is the art of sitting back and wondering what comes next or reflecting on something that has happened. Pondering doesn’t have to be correct or even the same for two people. My ponderings may not align with your ponderings but that doesn’t make either of us wrong. So let’s ponder together. If you have any thoughts about our ponderings please get in touch. I’ve used the word pondering way too much now so let’s get on with it

“The world is a stage and all the men and women are merely players.” William Shakespeare (1599)

I’ve heard this quote so many times over the years it has lost its power to challenge my thinking. I heard someone say it the other day and thought “what a cliché”. But then later I remembered it and started to ponder. If the world is a stage and you and I are moving through our lines and acting our parts (possibly many parts) then what is the play or the story? Who writes the plot lines? Who is the hero or villain? Who is the feme fatale? The clown? The comic? The fool? The lover? The mother? Father? (All the archetypes)

We all have a story and at the centre of your story is… you.  You can play many roles, switching, swapping and sliding seamlessly from one character to another as your setting dictates. 

I, for instance, can be loud, extrovert and funny in a place where I feel secure but shy, introverted and anonymous when in a place where I feel insecure. I can adapt myself to fit my surroundings. I can play many parts as I move from scene to scene. I do this as a way of survival. For hundreds of thousands of years we as humans have evolved the ability to become someone who can remain as part of the tribe because without the tribe you would be eaten by some apex predator. Therefore you behaved in ways that didn’t get you thrown out. We adapt our persona to suit our surroundings. We attune and we allow transference and countertransference to inform us what behaviour is necessary to fit in.

There will be at least a flicker of recognition for you as you read this and ponder on your own cast of characters you draw from as you find the scenes of your life changing.

Someone once asked me who my authentic self was. I spent a lot of time wondering about this and all I could say with any sort of authenticity was that I knew what I would like my authentic self to be. However I wasn’t sure that I was ever completely that authentic self! It gets confusing doesn’t it

It is said that our self-esteem can be measured thus. The distance between the person I want to be and the person I am. But self-esteem is not a good marker either. Consider the person who always needs to be right and so surrounds themselves with people who will agree with them and offer no challenge. Their self esteem is high (perceived) but they are not very authentic. 

I feel that we can be authentic or close to it through many of our characters. We play our parts, we say our lines, we interact with the other players through many scenes and the great play of our lives roles on. You have to hand it to that Shakespeare bloke.